Friendship in a relationship: being a couple and best friends

Couples who are also friends

Passion can be lit in a single evening, but what keeps two people together for years is usually something quieter — that they’re glad to be together. That they look forward to each other even when nothing big is going on. That after a hard day, the other person is the first one they want to call, not because they have to, but because it’s simply fun to be with them.

Plenty of couples sum up the loveliest thing about themselves in a single line: “They’re my best friend.” That isn’t making light of love — it’s the foundation of it. Partner and friend in one person means that alongside a relationship, with its own rules and expectations, you also have someone you can just be with.

Inside jokes are the glue

There are lines only the two of you understand. A quote from a holiday, a nickname for the neighbour, a bit you only have to hint at before you both crack up. These little jokes look like nothing, but they’re really the threads your relationship is stitched together with — a private language no one else can see into.

Laughter also pulls you out of the hardest moments. When you can laugh about something together even in the middle of an argument, it means you’re still on the same side. Humour isn’t an escape from your problems — it’s a way to bear them without drifting apart.

That’s why it’s worth being deliberate about having fun together — not big trips once a year, but little things. A silly game on the way to the shop, a series only the two of you watch, something new you both try for the first time. That’s exactly where new jokes and new memories come from.

Be each other’s support, not an audience

Friendship in a relationship also means the other person has your back. That when something doesn’t work out, what comes isn’t a reproach but a question — what will we do about it together. That your small victories are their joy too, not a competition. A best friend genuinely roots for you — and that’s exactly what we expect from a partner, too.

Support isn’t only about the hard moments. It matters just as much to have someone beside you who’s happy for you. Many relationships survive their crises but fizzle out because no one delights in the other’s small successes. Asking “how did it go?” and really listening to the answer is a small habit that keeps closeness alive.

How to keep “the two of us” alive amid the routine

Routine is the quiet enemy of friendship. Work, kids, chores — and suddenly two teammates turn into two flatmates swapping messages about the shopping. It doesn’t happen in a single argument; it happens once you stop making time for each other just because, with no agenda.

It helps to guard a small space where you’re not parents or colleagues, but just the two of you. It doesn’t have to be anything grand — morning coffee without phones, a walk after dinner, one evening a week that belongs only to you. What matters isn’t what you do, but that you’re really present while you do it.

And when you’re not sure whether you see friendship in your relationship the same way, try it playfully. In Objatie, each of you sets on your own how much importance you place on friendship and shared fun, and then you reveal it all at once. It often turns out you’re both missing the very same thing — and simply starting to talk about it is enough to bring “the two of us” back.